What a shitty day to begin with. Wat are the chances of getting ticket by u just walking around the street. Well it does, and it happen to me today. I was  shocked and also frustrated at the event. Almost could imagine myself striping a passerby’s spine for a second. 

The sin i committed today - crossing the road when the red little man is already blinking and yet the officer had to be so sarcastic when commenting on it. insisted on asking me whats the meaning of the little red blinking man. if it’s werent the rule that bind my action, u’re probably be dead on the street now. so brutal init. 

I guess its just because i am terribly missing someone thats 457.9 miles away from me as stated from grindr. Its the insecurity and the distance that put me off the whole day. Plus chains of unpleasant events that happen today, made my day so wonderfully joyous and full of unicorns jumping across the blardy colourful rainbows.

The state of my mind, acting all hormonal and lovely dovey , would really want to know wats going on the turtle side of the world. Especially to know someone else he used to be interested in, is still going out with him quite frequently. The way he choose his word, the action doesn’t satisfy me just enough for me to be calm. i need more and i know hoping for more is suicidal . 

i found a word today, its 

athazagoraphobia

it’s the fear of being forgotten.

i hope i will be rememeber and not forgotten, cause this heart of mine is scarred, it’s brittle and not to forget fragile. 

-J