What a shitty day to begin with. Wat are the chances of getting ticket by u just walking around the street. Well it does, and it happen to me today. I was  shocked and also frustrated at the event. Almost could imagine myself striping a passerby’s spine for a second. 

The sin i committed today - crossing the road when the red little man is already blinking and yet the officer had to be so sarcastic when commenting on it. insisted on asking me whats the meaning of the little red blinking man. if it’s werent the rule that bind my action, u’re probably be dead on the street now. so brutal init. 

I guess its just because i am terribly missing someone thats 457.9 miles away from me as stated from grindr. Its the insecurity and the distance that put me off the whole day. Plus chains of unpleasant events that happen today, made my day so wonderfully joyous and full of unicorns jumping across the blardy colourful rainbows.

The state of my mind, acting all hormonal and lovely dovey , would really want to know wats going on the turtle side of the world. Especially to know someone else he used to be interested in, is still going out with him quite frequently. The way he choose his word, the action doesn’t satisfy me just enough for me to be calm. i need more and i know hoping for more is suicidal . 

i found a word today, its 

athazagoraphobia

it’s the fear of being forgotten.

i hope i will be rememeber and not forgotten, cause this heart of mine is scarred, it’s brittle and not to forget fragile. 

-J

when u start missing someone.

A 4 days escape to everyone’s paradise but not to those who are alergic to the sun. Was a journey,a journey searching for what was meant to be and meant to feel. I feel it. Breaking down the tough concrete wall, a kind of material i less adore, that builds up gradually over the 3 years time. Surrounding and protecting my fragile heart. 

the heart. It was not meant to be broken. But like everyone says it, no matter how cliche it sound, Once its broken, its there, its scar, its hurt and its true.

Apparently the last time, a few months ago,  i built a door on the concrete wall, it accidentally opened up and got the pure sanctuary flooded with acids, literally burn and painful. i wonder who left the door unlock. lesson Learnt.

He was self absorbed, self centred, selfish, thinks really high of himself. In conclusion, he probably needs a mirror before being so confident. Like i told my friend, he is living in his bubble. A pink bubble with unicorns and fairies blinding his sight staying him out of the real world. I pity him and kudos for him to put me 1 week of hell and shit. 

-J